the beginning

i used to live in New York City. Not like when I was a child or before I can remember, but like a year ago. Almost a year ago exactly, I lived at 11th Street & 3rd Avenue in a matchbox of a room. Most of my time was spent either in that room, in the adjoining Waverly and Silver Buildings of NYU, the Astor Place Starbucks, and the 440 Studios where Playwrights Horizons Theatre School was housed during the day. I was doing everything I ever thought I wanted to do.

I was miserable. Skinny, but miserable.

In fact the only things I was really enjoying about New York was the fact I was skinny and the fact that I was indeed IN New York, with the ability to walk or ride a subway to anything I could dream of at the moment. But through a series of events, I left. I was home, and suddenly that phrase they throw around in the Finale of RENT was true…you WILL miss New York before you can unpack.

So, after a year or so, I find myself going back – SO READY TO GO BACK. What has changed? This time, I don’t know what I want. I would like to work as an actor in New York. I’d like to go to law school. I’d like to possibly get involved in the communications side of campaign politics. I’d love to work for a magazine as a writer or an editor. I’d enjoy getting involved in some LGBT rights or women’s rights or arts advocacy non-profit. I enjoy doing yoga, sketching, developing ‘personal style’ . I like a lot of things, and at 19, I’m slowly becoming content with the idea that what I wanted to do at 15 or 16 or 17 or 18 is going to be different from what I want now, a month from now, a year from now, et cetera.

I’m getting excited to move because this time I feel like I can do whatever. I have a nice class schedule. I have some good roommates. My room is more like a shoebox than a matchbox. And this time – whatever happens, I’m so ready.